Over the past couple of years since our youngest daughter came in to our home (via kinship and then adoption) we've been asked a lot of questions that we hadn't been asked before. Some were easy to answer and quick to dismiss, some were awkward, some too personal and jaw dropping and some just kinda left us in shock that someone would actually ask that. A few however, weren't as easy to answer and required some thought, self reflection and a little digging into who we are and who we really want to be. Now that we are moving forward to become Foster Parents, the questions are arising again. Here are some of the common questions or statements that we get asked. At some point I hope to write out my answers for each of them (if you want to know before I get to that blog, just ask).
1. How do you love someone that is not your own? Is it the same as loving your bio kids?
2. Aren't you worried about how this affects your own kids?
3. Wow, she's so lucky to have you.
4. I could never do that. You are amazing.
5. Does she have problems?
Most recently though, someone very close to us said this about our FosterCare journey
"you know you are going to lose your life, right?"
I wasn't a part of the conversation when those words were spoken to Chris. Probably God knew that I'd run for my nearest Bible and begin beat the person with it.
(just kidding... but I do have lots to say about this.... so here it goes...)
My first thought upon hearing this was "Does he read the same Bible we do?" There are many places in the Bible where we read "take up your cross", "lose your life for my sake" "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life.." etc.
I mean I guess I hadn't really thought about it but in some ways he was right. I suppose we are going to lose our lives. But in a good way (not the way he was referring to). Those words often whisper in my mind now "you know you are going to lose your life, right?" And my answer is "I'm okay with that" I mean, sure we are going to lose out on some things.... big trips, freedom, fancy dinners, probably getting inviting out for dinner, less of a social life etc. This is going to come at a cost and with sacrifice for all of us and I'm okay with that. We are okay with that. Our kids are okay with that. I'm okay to lose my life in those ways but I'm also okay to lay my life down and Jesus lead me.
Afterall, this is my hell. I know Jesus. I have a personal relationship with him. I believe he died on the cross for my sins. When I die, I'm going to Heaven to live eternally in a place so good I can hardly even dream about it. Living here on earth, is as far away from God as I'm ever going to be. Jesus DIED on the cross for me. I don't think we are placed here to comfortable. Don't get me wrong, God allows us to be happy and content and blesses us in incredible and often miraculous ways, but He does call us to be His hands and feet too. I don't believe I have to earn my salvation or do 'good works'. I want to. I want to spread the love of Jesus and I want to say 'yes' to what He's calling us to.
I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying it's worth it!!!
Afterall, this is my hell. This is as bad as my life will ever get. Have you ever thought about that? When I think about that it makes me realize that there sure could be some more 'suffering' on my part. I could handle more. He DIED for me and I live comfortable and cozy in my home, selfishly filling nearly every desire I have. So we have chosen to say 'yes' to what God is calling us to.
The flip side for those who don't know Jesus as your Savior... for you, this is your Heaven. This is as good as it's ever going to get for you. This is as close as you'll ever get to God and as comfortable as you'll ever be. That to me is terrifying. As good as life on earth is, in many ways, I wouldn't want it any worse than this. I happy to sacrifice more knowing that it's my hell, but I wouldn't be so willing if I knew this was my Heaven. I think I'd be scrambling trying to fill my life with so much more.... bigger house, nicer car, many tropical vacations..... but I know that none of that truly matters in the eye of eternity for me.
This is my Hell.
Is this your hell? Can you sacrifice or 'lose your life' more for the man that died on the cross for you?
or
Is this your heaven? Are you okay with this life being the best that it's ever going to be for you? or do you need to do some searching and let Jesus in?
Next Blog: "You Don't Need to Do What I Do"
Monday, November 11, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
I wasn't prepared for what was to come after my last blog post. (It appears that I've become an every-other-week blogger LOL)
An overwhelming response of encouragement but also of texts and emails from hurting friends, acquaintances and people I've yet to meet. Christian marriages are under attack. I really can't stress enough that if you think your marriage is immune, it isn't. Some of the messages I received SHOCKED me. The content didn't shock me, just who the senders were. Marriages and relationships that appear so strong from the outside are actually hanging on by a thread on the inside.
I'll be working on a "How we did it/How we do it" post to let you know what we did to save/keep our marriage and what we do now to guard it.
An overwhelming response of encouragement but also of texts and emails from hurting friends, acquaintances and people I've yet to meet. Christian marriages are under attack. I really can't stress enough that if you think your marriage is immune, it isn't. Some of the messages I received SHOCKED me. The content didn't shock me, just who the senders were. Marriages and relationships that appear so strong from the outside are actually hanging on by a thread on the inside.
I'll be working on a "How we did it/How we do it" post to let you know what we did to save/keep our marriage and what we do now to guard it.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Walking in Obedience
When I began this blog two weeks ago, I had no idea what God had in store. I remember as I laid in bed I knew God was calling me to open up. A couple friends and a few acquaintances had recently said "you need to write that down" or "people need to hear about that". As I was getting ready that morning I heard little phrases like.... share your life, open up, let me use you, now is the time, you are ready, I've gone before you.....
So I got up and if you've read my previous post, you'll know I created a blog that day. I wasn't really entirely sure of what it would look like but I was excited to put a few thoughts down.
As I was thinking of a domain name I did make a little promise that I'd blog openly and let God use me if he wanted to, despite my incredible weaknesses. So I decided on the domain 'I am Weak, He is Strong'
Well....looking back on that day now, I wish I'd have ignored 'the voice' and the stirring in my heart that came along with it. Or maybe I should have named it "I am Stubborn but He is Stronger"
..........................................................................................................................
As I went about the day, after creating the blog, I pondered a few potential posts and made some chicken scratch notes on a scrap piece of paper. It was about 4:30pm when the phone rang and as I looked at the call display I was excited to hear from a good friend that I don't talk to nearly enough. After I'd answered, I quickly realized this wasn't a "I just called to chat" phone call. Through her tears I heard my friend quietly say "Nik, I need you, I've wrecked our marriage. I've had an emotional affair" I was instantly with her emotionally and felt her pain. You see, it was 13 and a half years ago that I called my same dear friend and spoke similar words to her.
We changed our plans for the evening and rushed to be with our friends. To support them and pray with them. To encourage them and to begin to walk this long and hard journey with them. Their marriage needs restoration like ours did.
When we were driving home I had the over whelming feeling of "here's your next blog post. THIS is what I'm calling you to. Let ME use YOU. I'm not sure I want to put my feelings on that done on paper...but I wasn't happy and I wasn't going to do it. No way. We've just recently started to be more open with close friends about our early marriage struggles and how hard it was for us. I am NOT going to tell the world.
The wrestling continued throughout Thanksgiving Weekend. God gave me an incredibly HUGE reminder (that's a post for another day) of how He cares for us though and it was hard to deny that he would carry me through this whole 'opening up' thing.
I was still in denial though and trying to come with every excuse I could think of. I went to Bible Study that Tuesday and the topic was "OBEDIENCE" Are you kidding me???? We are studying "David" and the author of our study writes "What was so beautiful and unique about David was his deep affection for God and his desire to obey Him no matter what it meant for his time on earth and no matter what anyone else thought. As we watched the 15 minute video these things rang through my mind:
-rest in what I've done for you
-it's worth the cost
-I've gone before you
-let me use you
-lay down your pride
I have another friend that I will sometimes call for counsel... I look up to her and admire her walk with God. I shared with her 'all of the above' for the first time. I was thinking she'd probably say, I wouldn't blog about that, or You better pray about that before opening up that much... BUT she replied with something along the lines of 'good to know, we've struggled with something similar recently too'. She's since been keeping me accountable to put this blog post together. So, that strategy was an EPIC FAIL.
When Chris finally gave in to our call to adopt He said to me... I know what can happen when you are in wilful disobedience and I don't want to end up in the belly of a whale. So, I guess I'm saying the same thing....I'm going to say 'yes' to God.
I'm going to wrap this post up because it's getting long and I've likely already lost about 80% of those that started reading it...haha.
If you are still reading though, there's one thing I'd like my readers to know "If you think your marriage is immune, you're wrong. In fact, you are likely at greater risk" Satan comes to seek, steal and destroy, like a thief in the night He doesn't value your marriage and isn't in support of it.
I'll share more about our journey in upcoming posts... I might be kicking and screaming like a toddler having a tantrum behind my keyboard but I'm going to choose to say 'yes' to what God is calling me to.
So I got up and if you've read my previous post, you'll know I created a blog that day. I wasn't really entirely sure of what it would look like but I was excited to put a few thoughts down.
As I was thinking of a domain name I did make a little promise that I'd blog openly and let God use me if he wanted to, despite my incredible weaknesses. So I decided on the domain 'I am Weak, He is Strong'
Well....looking back on that day now, I wish I'd have ignored 'the voice' and the stirring in my heart that came along with it. Or maybe I should have named it "I am Stubborn but He is Stronger"
..........................................................................................................................
As I went about the day, after creating the blog, I pondered a few potential posts and made some chicken scratch notes on a scrap piece of paper. It was about 4:30pm when the phone rang and as I looked at the call display I was excited to hear from a good friend that I don't talk to nearly enough. After I'd answered, I quickly realized this wasn't a "I just called to chat" phone call. Through her tears I heard my friend quietly say "Nik, I need you, I've wrecked our marriage. I've had an emotional affair" I was instantly with her emotionally and felt her pain. You see, it was 13 and a half years ago that I called my same dear friend and spoke similar words to her.
We changed our plans for the evening and rushed to be with our friends. To support them and pray with them. To encourage them and to begin to walk this long and hard journey with them. Their marriage needs restoration like ours did.
When we were driving home I had the over whelming feeling of "here's your next blog post. THIS is what I'm calling you to. Let ME use YOU. I'm not sure I want to put my feelings on that done on paper...but I wasn't happy and I wasn't going to do it. No way. We've just recently started to be more open with close friends about our early marriage struggles and how hard it was for us. I am NOT going to tell the world.
The wrestling continued throughout Thanksgiving Weekend. God gave me an incredibly HUGE reminder (that's a post for another day) of how He cares for us though and it was hard to deny that he would carry me through this whole 'opening up' thing.
I was still in denial though and trying to come with every excuse I could think of. I went to Bible Study that Tuesday and the topic was "OBEDIENCE" Are you kidding me???? We are studying "David" and the author of our study writes "What was so beautiful and unique about David was his deep affection for God and his desire to obey Him no matter what it meant for his time on earth and no matter what anyone else thought. As we watched the 15 minute video these things rang through my mind:
-rest in what I've done for you
-it's worth the cost
-I've gone before you
-let me use you
-lay down your pride
I have another friend that I will sometimes call for counsel... I look up to her and admire her walk with God. I shared with her 'all of the above' for the first time. I was thinking she'd probably say, I wouldn't blog about that, or You better pray about that before opening up that much... BUT she replied with something along the lines of 'good to know, we've struggled with something similar recently too'. She's since been keeping me accountable to put this blog post together. So, that strategy was an EPIC FAIL.
When Chris finally gave in to our call to adopt He said to me... I know what can happen when you are in wilful disobedience and I don't want to end up in the belly of a whale. So, I guess I'm saying the same thing....I'm going to say 'yes' to God.
I'm going to wrap this post up because it's getting long and I've likely already lost about 80% of those that started reading it...haha.
If you are still reading though, there's one thing I'd like my readers to know "If you think your marriage is immune, you're wrong. In fact, you are likely at greater risk" Satan comes to seek, steal and destroy, like a thief in the night He doesn't value your marriage and isn't in support of it.
I'll share more about our journey in upcoming posts... I might be kicking and screaming like a toddler having a tantrum behind my keyboard but I'm going to choose to say 'yes' to what God is calling me to.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Getting Started...
I enjoy blogging but I have a hard time staying committed to it... I've been learning alot lately and would like this 'new' blog to journal what God is teaching me. I've been told a few times recently that I should "write that down for other people to read" and so I am going to give it a go.
What I hope this blog will be...
1. a record of 'where I've been' and 'where I am now'
2. a place to share and communicate with others about things that are important to me
3. an outlet to write about the things that are 'stirring in my heart'
4. a challenge and/or encouragement for those who stumble upon it
What you can expect...
1. bits and pieces of family life...successes and failures and everyday things
2. marriage and parenting stuff and how I'm working at being a better wife and mom
3. my thoughts on adoption/fostercare and the role that we play
4. 'how we do it' for various situations
5. other randomness
25 Random things about ME.
1. I sing in the shower.... loudly and terribly!
2. I have been to Disneyland one time. (2012)
3. I used to like to be out and about, and now I like to be home.
4. I watch videos of my kids over and over and over.
5. I love making "family traditions"
5. I'm a lifetime Weight Watchers member
6. I always have the 'baby itch'.
7. I can actually play baseball but I don't because I get "stage fright" when it's my turn to bat.
8. I like coupons and deals.
9. I miss being around family on Sundays.
10. I eat chocolate nearly every day.
11. I work from home.
12. I love to browse but don't really like to "shop"
13. I'm practical/life smart but not school smart...I hated school.
14. I'm sensitive
15. I like to get up before my kids and pray for them.
16. If I had gotten to choose the names of our first three kids they would be Tatum, Jada and Henry.
17. I love watching Chris play sports.
18. We once home-schooled and I think we will probably go back to it at some point.
19. I couldn't live without church.
20. I am blessed with many great friends.
21. I've learned to "never say never".
22. We are in the process of becoming an approved Foster Home.
23. I wish I was a better wife...he deserves much more.
24. I am not a 'neat-freak' and wish I kept a tidier house.
25. I love Bailey's milkshakes in the summertime and Pumpkin Spice Latte's in the fall.
What I hope this blog will be...
1. a record of 'where I've been' and 'where I am now'
2. a place to share and communicate with others about things that are important to me
3. an outlet to write about the things that are 'stirring in my heart'
4. a challenge and/or encouragement for those who stumble upon it
What you can expect...
1. bits and pieces of family life...successes and failures and everyday things
2. marriage and parenting stuff and how I'm working at being a better wife and mom
3. my thoughts on adoption/fostercare and the role that we play
4. 'how we do it' for various situations
5. other randomness
25 Random things about ME.
1. I sing in the shower.... loudly and terribly!
2. I have been to Disneyland one time. (2012)
3. I used to like to be out and about, and now I like to be home.
4. I watch videos of my kids over and over and over.
5. I love making "family traditions"
5. I'm a lifetime Weight Watchers member
6. I always have the 'baby itch'.
7. I can actually play baseball but I don't because I get "stage fright" when it's my turn to bat.
8. I like coupons and deals.
9. I miss being around family on Sundays.
10. I eat chocolate nearly every day.
11. I work from home.
12. I love to browse but don't really like to "shop"
13. I'm practical/life smart but not school smart...I hated school.
14. I'm sensitive
15. I like to get up before my kids and pray for them.
16. If I had gotten to choose the names of our first three kids they would be Tatum, Jada and Henry.
17. I love watching Chris play sports.
18. We once home-schooled and I think we will probably go back to it at some point.
19. I couldn't live without church.
20. I am blessed with many great friends.
21. I've learned to "never say never".
22. We are in the process of becoming an approved Foster Home.
23. I wish I was a better wife...he deserves much more.
24. I am not a 'neat-freak' and wish I kept a tidier house.
25. I love Bailey's milkshakes in the summertime and Pumpkin Spice Latte's in the fall.
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