This Is My Hell

Over the past couple of years since our youngest daughter came in to our home (via kinship and then adoption) we've been asked a lot of questions that we hadn't been asked before.  Some were easy to answer and quick to dismiss, some were awkward, some too personal and jaw dropping and some just kinda left us in shock that someone would actually ask that.   A few however, weren't as easy to answer and required some thought, self reflection and a little digging into who we are and who we really want to be.   Now that we are moving forward to become Foster Parents, the questions are arising again.  Here are some of the common questions or statements that we get asked.  At some point I hope to write out my answers for each of them (if you want to know before I get to that blog, just ask).

1.  How do you love someone that is not your own?  Is it the same as loving your bio kids?
2.  Aren't you worried about how this affects your own kids?
3.  Wow, she's so lucky to have you.
4.  I could never do that.  You are amazing.
5.  Does she have problems?

Most recently though, someone very close to us said this about our FosterCare journey
"you know you are going to lose your life, right?"

I wasn't a part of the conversation when those words were spoken to Chris.  Probably God knew that I'd run for my nearest Bible and begin beat the person with it.

(just kidding... but I do have lots to say about this.... so here it goes...)

My first thought upon hearing this was "Does he read the same Bible we do?"   There are many places in the Bible where we read "take up your cross", "lose your life for my sake" "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life.." etc. 

I mean I guess I hadn't really thought about it but in some ways he was right.  I suppose we are going to lose our lives.  But in a good way (not the way he was referring to).   Those words often whisper in my mind now "you know you are going to lose your life, right?"   And my answer is "I'm okay with that"   I mean, sure we are going to lose out on some things.... big trips, freedom, fancy dinners, probably getting inviting out for dinner, less of a social life  etc.   This is going to come at a cost and with sacrifice for all of us and I'm okay with that.  We are okay with that.   Our kids are okay with that.   I'm okay to lose my life in those ways but I'm also okay to lay my life down and Jesus lead me.

Afterall, this is my hell.  I know Jesus.  I have a personal relationship with him.  I believe he died on the cross for my sins.   When I die, I'm going to Heaven to live eternally in a place so good I can hardly even dream about it.   Living here on earth, is as far away from God as I'm ever going to be.   Jesus DIED on the cross for me.   I don't think we are placed here to comfortable.  Don't get me wrong, God allows us to be happy and content and blesses us in incredible and often miraculous ways, but He does call us to be His hands and feet too.    I don't believe I have to earn my salvation or do 'good works'.  I want to.  I want to spread the love of Jesus and I want to say 'yes' to what He's calling us to. 

I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying it's worth it!!!

Afterall, this is my hell.   This is as bad as my life will ever get.  Have you ever thought about that?   When I think about that it makes me realize that there sure could be some more 'suffering' on my part.  I could handle more.  He DIED for me and I live comfortable and cozy in my home, selfishly filling nearly every desire I have.  So we have chosen to say 'yes' to what God is calling us to.

The flip side for those who don't know Jesus as your Savior... for you, this is your Heaven.  This is as good as it's ever going to get for you.  This is as close as you'll ever get to God and as comfortable as you'll ever be.   That to me is terrifying.   As good as life on earth is, in many ways, I wouldn't want it any worse than this.   I happy to sacrifice more knowing that it's my hell, but I wouldn't be so willing if I knew this was my Heaven.  I think I'd be scrambling trying to fill my life with so much more.... bigger house, nicer car, many tropical vacations.....   but I know that none of that truly matters in the eye of eternity for me.

This is my Hell.   

Is this your hell?   Can you sacrifice or 'lose your life' more for the man that died on the cross for you?
or 
Is this your heaven?  Are you okay with this life being the best that it's ever going to be for you?  or do you need to do some searching and let Jesus in?


Next Blog:  "You Don't Need to Do What I Do"

I wasn't prepared for what was to come after my last blog post.  (It appears that I've become an every-other-week blogger LOL)

An overwhelming response of encouragement but also of texts and emails from hurting friends, acquaintances and people I've yet to meet.    Christian marriages are under attack.   I really can't stress enough that if you think your marriage is immune, it isn't.   Some of the messages I received SHOCKED me.   The content didn't shock me,  just who the senders were.   Marriages and relationships that appear so strong from the outside are actually hanging on by a thread on the inside.  


I'll be working on a "How we did it/How we do it" post to let you know what we did to save/keep our marriage and what we do now to guard it.